Seismic Sneezes

In addition to being known as a wordsmith and broadcaster, my nearest and dearest also remark on my heart-attack inducing ability to produce – totally without warning – seismic sneezes.

These unexpected explosions even take me by surprise and leave my poor partner -whose sneezes are of the suppressed and squeaky style  (in my opinion hardly meriting  a “bless you”) – a quivering wreck.

Anyway, it occurs to me that re reading the previous post,  I failed to address the worrying “what if….” scenario during Laser Eye Surgery.

Apart from the unhygienic expulsion at 100 mph of droplets of germs (apparently between 2 and 5,000 of the little critters) per sneeze, there is also the fact that one’s eyes automatically snap shut during the “Ah-choo” moment.
What would happen if one sneezed or made any other movement during Laser Eye Surgery?

Dr Dan immediately brushes aside my concerns.

“It wouldn’t matter if you moved your head – all that would happen is that we would slow the procedure down.

“Do you move your head when you are watching television or reading an email?  No, you are just sitting there and looking at the screen.

“Undergoing Laser Eye Surgery is something similar. Throughout you have got something to look at – a flashing light which changes from red to green – and I am telling you what to do: look at the light, now look down, now do this, now do that. It is just like a normal conversation, but all the while you are feeling rather strange things – like a sort of pushing sensation on the eye. But obviously, you don’t feel any pain at all because that has been completely blocked.

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“No pain at all gets through the anaesthetic eye drops. The only thing that is not anaethetised is the brain. In fact it helps the surgeon for the patient to be awake and even a little bit of anxiety is a good thing as it means that the patient is more focused on what he is being asked to do.”

“Don’t worry”, concludes Dr Dan,  “moving, coughing, sneezing, turning your head – none of those things will affect the end result in any way … that’s how safe this laser procedure has become.”

And finally… a bit of trivia: the world record for the loudest sneeze is held by a man in China called Yi Yang  whose nose explodes at a level of 176 decibels – louder even than a gun shot … making mine relatively ladylike and mild in comparison.

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Seismic Sneezes

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